when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
