dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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