Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
