We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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