i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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