you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
