I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
