I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
