Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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