Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
