I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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