I'm jealous of your bromance
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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