just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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