You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
