if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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