I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
