um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
