thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
