just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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