C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
