The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
