Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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