i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
