The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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