See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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