Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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