I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
