I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
