with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
