sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
