Taylor Swift is so right about you.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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