You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
