One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
