I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
