i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
