She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
