i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
