Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
