we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i love accidental penises.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
