I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
