Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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