I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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