It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
