Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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