I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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