apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
