All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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