I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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