$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
