last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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