Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
