Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
