im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
