we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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